Why I Chose Not To Breastfeed

Considering the times we’re in, I wanted to share my personal story on why I chose not to breastfeed. My breastfeeding journey was one I was not expecting or anticipating but is still very fresh to me. With that being said, I’ll share my thoughts, feelings and frustrations on why i chose not to breastfeed.

Why I chose not to breastfeed

Before becoming pregnant, I had always known that I wanted to breastfeed. I knew I wanted to deepen the connection between me and my baby. Not to mention it was the more organic route as well. Breastfeeding is what God intended for women and our bodies. And that’s a beautiful thing. 

When our daughter was born and we were in the hospital, I immediately was having problems with her latching. I also felt a little thrown into it, and quickly began to notice how overwhelming it was. As we stayed in the hospital, I was still giving our daughter colostrum which the nurses told me was normal until my milk would fully come in. 

We left the hospital and within 24 hours, I realized she wasn’t peeing or pooping. I panicked. Two days after I was discharged, my husband and I  called the pediatrician and they scheduled for us to come in that morning. Being recently discharged, my hormones and emotions were all over the place and I simply couldn’t handle all of what was being thrown at us. I  sent my husband into the doctor’s office, because I was exhausted. 

They informed us that she was dehydrated and wasn’t gaining her weight back. At this point, my milk still hadn’t come in and I tried pumping and self expressing and nothing. My nipples were cracked and bleeding. It was painful and everytime I put her to my breast I clinched in pain. So, the pediatrician suggested we give her formula until it comes in. Let me tell y’all, I was struggling within myself because I was adamant about not giving her formula. My desire to breastfeed was clouding my better judgement. I cried and fought so hard to not give her formula. It felt as if I was a failure and no one would give me a chance. It didn’t help that people were telling me that “maybe breastfeeding is not in the cards for me…” and that alone broke me. 

Fed Is Best

We gave her formula, as soon as we got home that day from the doctor. The pediatrician encouraged us to continue to pump. I remember specifically one day, my milk was slowly starting to come in and I excitedly told my husband I’m leaking and he encouraged me and said “Let’s pump!” knowing how badly I wanted to get some kind of milk out. After that pump session, I got a total of 2 ounces which was enough to feed her. I felt accomplished and useful but that was the first and last time I would see that liquid gold. I would put her to my breast and when she wouldn’t latch, I broke down and started crying and bitterly said “FINE! Give her the bottle!” That day I cried my hardest because I wanted her to be fed but I also wanted to breastfeed so badly.

So, I came to the tough decision that I would stop because it was too much for me to handle mentally, physically and emotionally. But the more important reason is that our daughter wasn’t getting what she needed from me. And by that alone is what I needed to break my pride and stubbornness. It was definitely not my first choice but once our daughter was fed, satisfied and constantly peeing and pooping I knew we made the right decision. The greatest way to sum it up is that #fedisbest, and that’s when I experienced peace. 

Breastfeeding Information

I felt as if I had been given wrong information about breastfeeding. I always thought you can’t formula feed and breastfeed simultaneously. Which is when I was informed that it wasn’t a fact. If I would have educated myself more information on the subject, I believe my chances of breastfeeding would have been higher. Here are some helpful websites that give you all the information you need about breastfeeding:

Formula Recommendation

I know there is so many different choices for formula out there and trying to decide which one is best for our babies is hard in itself. This is why i recommend Bobbie an organic NON-GMO infant powder formula founded by moms. Bobbie is an organic formula that has a European style that meets all of the USDA requirements. Marley had a lot of spit up and constipation that most formulas were make worse. Bobbie is gentle on the tummy and babies absolutely love it!

You can now find Bobbie at your local Target!!

The Right Decision

Breastfeeding should not be painful but it was for me emotionally and physically and I was fearful to continue. Nonetheless, the confusion and hurt that I felt during the process was not what I wanted for my journey. So when that peace came, I knew this was the right decision for our family. I encourage you to feel your own journey out and make the best decision according to your baby and yourself. 

I strongly encourage breastfeeding and hope to try again in the future. For now this is why I chose not to breastfeed.